today was a bad day. It rained all day yesterday, so it was really wet and cold outside today so we didn't get to go to play group. Lily isn't feeling well. I think its a combo of teething and a cold. the poor girl spent the day whining that i couldn't just do everything she wanted me to, which at times i would just do because she was so miserable, but something happened to top it all off. the part time job that i was promised in an email from a gym i applied at turned out to be a "mistake". they sent the email to the wrong person. Of course while waiting for the background check (that they weren't actually doing) to go through i turned down another job. So today I spent hours on the phone, fruitlessly trying to figure out what was happening and trying to make them be liable for their actions, while still trying to look for another job. anyway lots of tears, lots of frustration and a very sad lily. I decided it would be great for me to take a break and go to enrichment... I thought it would be uplifting...
Enrichment night all about making a low budget breakfast using food storage. I came away feeling like such a bad mother and wife. I mean come on why don't I make 8 grain pancakes using only food storage and have them come out perfect, served with a homemade syrup and homemade yogurt at six in the morning? I should be doing that right? without it my daughter won't be able to focus half way through class and she will fail her tests... oh wait lily isn't in school yet... oh wait, we don't have food storage yet. It is a goal for this year, but as of yet it hasn't happened ... which of course made me feel guilty also. I just felt like all these women had it figured out and knew exactly how to nutritiously feed their children while saving money and keeping their homes clean and i am happy to do the dishes and have lily bathed, fed and dressed before seth gets home from work. Luckily i have a level headed husband who wiped away my tears of frustration and brought some reality into my life. these women might enjoy spending an extra hour to save their family a dollar, by making some homemade yogurt, but it would simply stress me out. and right now we just can't afford 8 different kinds of grains to grind for my daughters breakfast. as much as i hate it we are living pay check to pay check and until a few more commission checks come in that's how its going to be, and beyond trying to find a part time job that will let me take lily with me, there isn't much else i can do to help that situation. I know that a lot of these things would in the end save us money, but i don't have the money to invest in starting those things. i don't have the money to buy an ingredient that i will only use for yogurt that my family won't even finish because seth doesn't have time to eat before he leave for work at 6:30 and that lily can't eat because she needs organic dairy and the church hasn't come out with organic food storage yet. i also had to be reminded that while my oldest (and only) child is 18 months, alot of these women had teenage children. They have been around the block and it probably took them years to get to this point. anyway this has turned into a very random post, but its helping me cope with a very emotional day. now, even though its midnight, i need to go make up for my non productive day by cleaning my way too messy kitchen, and hope that lily sleeps in til 9 tomorrow and doesn't wake up 4 times tonight like the last 6 nights.
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Lindsey,
I have had many of the same thoughts and feelings as you lately. Having Oliver sick and only wanting to be held for the last three days has thrown me into full "I'm a failure as a mom" mode because I have not be able to get anything done and anything that I do manage to get done is rather sloppily done. Even just planning a good menu for the week and shopping for it turned out to be too much - I have really really wanted to go back to eating more nutriously this year and making more things from scratch, etc. but each week when I plan meals out, sometimes the cheaper and easier stuff wins out because I honestly just don't have the time for the other stuff. I'm not talking chicken nuggets every night or anything, but I buy boxes of couscous and stir-fry kits, stuff like that.I have been better, and at least I am cooking, right? And you know what? Right now that is right for me. I was starting to get really stressed out because from 4-5 every day when I was making dinner, the kids were having meltdowns and by the time Chad got home we were all messes. But lately I have been either planning a meal that I can mostly do ahead of time, or doing something super easy so that I can dedicate my time and attention to Colin when he gets home from school. Turns out that that is what he really needs and our whole household has been so much happier.
Like you figured out last night, you can't compare yourself to others. You just have to make sure that you are doing what is right for you and your family at the time, and consult with Heavenly Father on it. I have to keep reminding myself that right now, with young kids, is probably not going to be the time of my life when I FINALLY accomplish ALL those things that I want to. I just have to make sure I am using all the moments in my day as wisely as I can and know that producing happy and kind kids IS something.
I remember talking to a sister in my ward once about an enrichment lesson where they learned how to make their own cream of mushroom soup. Seriously? It costs like 40 cents a can, and it's not like something you have to have in your diet so everyone should know how to make it just in case the world is coming to an end and we can't buy it anymore. None of us are going to be wringing our hands thinking "Oh, I should have been prepared! I learned how to make my own salsa, tortillas, cheese and sour cream, but not cream of mushroom soup! My family is going to starve because I can't make my mom's gringo enchiladas!" Anyway, the woman who taught the lesson enjoyed doing that kind of stuff and had the time for it, so more power to her, but....yeah.
Chad and I have NO food storage. It isn't something we are proud of and starting it is one of our goals for the year, but I know that it isn't going to happen all at once, and that is what our leaders advise - do what you can on your budget and build it up.
This comment is rather rambling and long and jumps all over the place. Sorry about that.
When I was the RS secretary a couple of years ago we were always trying to make sure our enrichment nights were balanced because we had a lot of new moms, a lot of moms with teenagers and a lot of grandmas. The grandmas don't want to hear about budgeting as students and new moms don't need to worry about volunteering in the temple once a week. We usually had a lot of mini-classes so that people could choose what was really important to them and what they were needing to learn.
Anyway, point is, there is definitely a time and season for everything! But that doesn't mean that we should just take the easy route and only do things that are convenient and don't take too much effort. I'm always trying to challenge myself to learn something new, but it usually involves learning a new method of discipline or teaching your child - instead of learning to sew or grind my own wheat.
Healthy meals is just not a priority for me right now. I mean, we don't eat total junk, but I don't mind if we eat mac and cheese twice a week, as long as we eat something homemade and good twice a week also. Roy is too busy, I have too many food aversions, the weather is too crappy, all those things mean that cooking a homemade meal every night before picking Roy up from work is not going to happen!
Anyway, what was my point? :) Oh, and we just started collecting some food storage. I got the starter kit from lds.org just so that we have a little seed to start from. It has oatmeal,beans, wheat and rice. We are canceling our cable when our contract runs out next month so that ach month we can add to it a little. I don't plan on cooking with it though. It lasts 30 years, I'll worry about cooking with it later when I have a bigger family. :) If we ever did have to live off of it I have a few recipes that we'll just have to live with :)
A clean house is a priority for me right now because I don't really have an excuse for a dirty house. My kids are old enough to entertain themselves while I clean, and they are old enough to pick up after themselves. I want to get into some good habits before I have a newborn around so that maybe I can keep up with my routine.
Geez, I don't even know if this made any sense. Rae is pestering me to join her in a pretend game and Blaise just wants to be on my lap. I got distracted so many times! I guess that's a sign that I need to hang out with my kids!
Good luck finding a job! Sorry that that other one didn't work out and that they messed it up for you so badly.
Lindsey~
You love Lily and Seth. You are a good mom and wife. Forget the "fluff", just focus on your family. And you are a member of your family. Remember that.
I love you!
~Mom
LOL. You sound just like Audra. She has said almost everything that you said in this post. It was really starting to get her stressed out, and she and Katie have vented about this to each other on many occasions. The last straw was when someone in our ward told her "My dad didn't have room for food storage, but he was so dedicated to having a year's supply that he buried it in 55 gallon drums in the backyard. You could do the same thing if you really wanted to." Audra finally had enough and said "Right now the only food storage I need is enough gas to make it to the mountains. My dad has 200 head of cattle and enough bullets to give us several years of food!" LOL. That was the end of that conversation. Practically speaking though, we do keep a lot of extra #10 cans of food from Sam's Club. That way, if something does happen and we can't make it to the mountains right away, we do have enough to feed ourselves for awhile. It isn't perfect, but it works.
shoot right now we are trying to have a weeks worth of food in our pantry, because thats all we can afford at a time.
Hey, about food storage...Do your best and you will blessed.
hey Lindsey!
if you talked with any of the sisters, that seemed to have it all going right, one on one---i bet you'd find that they felt and feel the same way you do right now---we have all been where you are...and remember fondly how hard those years are....the Lord doesnt ask us to walk any faster than we can. I am a firm believer in manna from heaven---you do the best you can at the moment....God will cover the rest! I look at the young mothers and wish i'd done as good a job as they seem to be doing! it's all a facade! Your mom is right----take care of your family on a personal level...the rest is just gravy.
*phew* I was starting to think I was the only one who didn't have a three years of water buried in my backyard!!! The only thing buried there is the last person who suggested I "bury my food storage in crazy 55 gallon drums..."
It sounds like your heart is in the right place and you need a good ol' slice of homemade 8 grain bread with homemade organic sugar free raised on the farm strawberry jam!! Don't get discouraged by people who overachieve... just steal their food storage while they're not looking!
How about this, Lindsey...we have 4huge plastic drums sitting out front making our place look even more ghetto than it is...just waiting to be filled with water that we don't even have to pay for. James' dad brought us the drums because he got them free at work. We've had them for over a year now and NEVER PUT A DROP IN THEM. Now I'm just figuring out how to get rid of them before we move. Feel better?
We didn't fill the drums because I didn't want to mess with having to mix in the right amount of chlorine to make it stable, and then remember to rotate out the water every so often.
We also had barrels when we were in Madisonville. I think they became dock floats after we gave them away.
...
Audra's dad will need to save the bullets for when other people try to come and take his cattle.
...
Lindsey, you're not a failure. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. "Do your best, so be the rest" is what my dad taught me.
Oh, and Happy Birthday, too! Elizabeth is helping me right now.
Oh honey! I know! There is one mom I know that has 6 kids, she homeschools them all, and they are all dressed perfectly and are well-behaved at church!
I told her the other day she is the reason why all us other Mormon women are on Cymbalta (which I am not... but i know A LOT who are).
Anyway... the thing is! I know her well enough to know she has her own trials! And I look at other women and admire things about them and then find out later they look at me and admire other things about me! The whole thing is... everyone has their strengths. I will never be good at cooking 8 grain bread, or cleaning my house... BUT... I build a mean retaining wall and am a heck of a house fixer-upper... they don't teach that stuff in enrichment, but it is just as practical. Although we sometimes feel we have to fit the mold... I have to remind myself that "home-ec type" Mormon women get into heaven just like "retaining wall building, playset putting together, power tool using" Mormon women. Just for some reason they never have enrichments on how to build a proper retaining wall with ideal drainage and how to use a chainsaw...
Maybe they should! Haha!
Don't worry... you are awesome! And I know how you feel! And one day I will get around to posting my own post about how much I dislike VT supervisors who tell me to bury 55 gallon drums and makes me feel like a failure when in fact, heck, I rock (or at least I tell myself that when situations like that happen... I am good enough, I am smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me)
And I like you! And you are doign a great job with you Lily Bug who is the cutest kid West of the Mississippi!
Umm, excuse me Audra, I don't think you realized that WE are west of the Mississippi, so you need to rethink that comment.
Have you seen how teenie Lily is though! When she was in the mountains she looked like a 3 mo old walking. It was the cutest thing!
Have you seen how teenie Lily is though! When she was in the mountains she looked like a 3 mo old walking. It was the cutest thing!
And somehow my comment posted twice, so it must be true!
I'll believe that Lily is maybe the cutest west of the Pecos River. Elizabeth and Amelia are also west of the Mississippi.
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